Multi-color variety of Skannerz


Written By: Majin Tween
Date: August 24, 2019

Let's face the facts. Tamagotchis suck. They have no muscle definition and have never won a fight in their life. That's why I said SCREW those things and got hyped about Skannerz!

Skannerz Handheld Toy Skannerz were these LCD handheld virtual pet-like monstrocities that were basically like Digivices on steroids. I had the old D-Tector, which also had a scanning mechanism on it, but Skannerz were way radder. So here's the gimmick. You buy this thing, you scan barcodes in your house or at the grocery store (from cereal boxes, condoms, animal crackers, etc.) and you would possibly unlock monsters that were trapped inside of them. Well, that's what they claimed but I swear I scanned everything in my house and only ever found like two of them. Back when these things came out I really wanted one. They were only like $15, but I grew up poor and didn't often get to have new stuff. I'm saying the Nintendo 64 was my main video game console until like 2005 when I got a used PlayStation from a garage sale, and then I got a Gamecube in 2007. But I had a scheme.

A Plastic Stool I went outside my Grandparents' house with a plastic stool with rainbows on the seat that popped open, and I filled the stool with my Pokemon cards. I tried to get kids passing by through the neighborhood to buy them but none of them did because they were all poor too.. that and nobody really gave a Muk about them. I even tried to sell a kid my Gameboy Color (for $15, the exact price of a Skanner) but no dice. I still have the same Gameboy Color to this day.

Skannerz Comicbook Eventually though, I did get one for my birthday. It came with a comic book, a bunch of cardboard cards of every monster from your "tribe" (which was represented by whichever color of the device you bought) and the comic book even had a barcode on it where you could scan it to heal your monsters. But I never needed this thing because I ONLY EVER FOUND TWO MONSTERS EVER. I still carried this thing around everywhere, hopeful and desperate, wanting so bad to become a demon weilding diety of digital vengeance, but no dice. After about two or three years of having my Skanner, the batteries inside it exploded and completely obliterated it. It was destroyed.

Corrosive Batteries The big scam was that you could scan stuff and it would say you got an "incompatible monster", which means you have to get one of the other colored Skannerz that it was compatible with and try again. They're trying to milk you of all your money because the real monsters are corporations, Skanning your hopes and dreams and laughing when they come up short. You're just a can of soup in the shopping aisle called life, and Microsoft's down 3 points.

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